Happy I'm Not Gonna Make a Resolution Year!

New Year's Day is almost over, and I have yet to be asked, "What's your New Year's Resolution?"  Not to say I'm upset about it, because I'm not.  I just don't like the question.  I used to make New Year's resolutions every year.  Actually, I made the same-ish resolution every year.  "This year, I am going to take care of me!" translation - to be skinnier.  Or another one was, "Well, this year, I am going to be in the best shape of my life!" translation - to be skinnier.  I would start off with my new outlook on life, 100% confident that I was going to finally succeed.   Nothing was going to stop me, and by next New Year's Eve I was going to share the story of my success with anyone that would listen!!!

Wellllll, that lasted until January 3rd.  The cupcakes, mocha, candy, etc. the Devil himself delivered to work were just too much temptation though and I fell off the resolution bandwagon.  "OK" I would tell myself, "I'm starting tomorrow!  I hate myself for eating those damn things and I can't believe I caved.  I am NEVER going to feel this way again.... starting tomorrow!" 

This cycle continued for the next ..... wait, who am I kidding? It's still going on!  The difference this year, is that I am not making that damn "resolution". 

The only thing I ever got from a resolution were feelings of guilt and failure because I would mentally beat myself up each time I cheated.  I would literally hate myself for having a stinking cupcake!  I can't do that to myself anymore.  In hating myself so much over a cupcake, I completely knock down any self-esteem I might have.  Which, brings me to today.  Do I want to be skinnier?  Yup.  Do I want to be stronger, healthier, have more energy, and most importantly, be proud of who I am?  HELL YES!  Does that damn little esteem grabber voice in my head tell me I just really need to be skinnier to be happy?  Unfortunately, that is a yes too.  But, I'm discovering in myself that when I make a stupid resolution, I have set myself up for failure.  Ultimately, that failure, has given that stupid little voice power over me.  It has told me over and over that I am not going to succeed.  The worst part - I tend to believe it. 

A resolution is too vague and way too much to tackle.  At least for me.  So, as I talked about in my last post, I'm setting goals.  Small, attainable goals.  Also, my focus is not to be "skinny". It's to be strong and healthy, physically and mentally.  My hope, is that each time I reach a goal, no matter how small, I beat down that little voice in my head more and more.  Now, I'm tempted to say a goal right now is to beat down that voice completely.  It is, just a little farther down Goal Lane.  I need to prove to myself that I CAN reach a goal, feel the positive energy that comes from it a couple times, then I will kick that little voices ass!